ISIS, the extremist militant group that has wreaked havoc across the Middle East, is being sued by the female television superhero, Isis. The 1970's character, a mild mannered high school science teacher who channels the Egyptian goddess Isis with her magical amulet, is suing the terrorist organization on charges of slander, fraud, defamation, and unlicensed usage of a trademarked logo.
"I am a dedicated foe of evil, defender of the weak, and champion of truth and justice," explained the stylish brunette with her center-parted '70's hair. "With my command of the elements of sky and earth, and a good lawyer, I will sue the black pajamas right off these hooligans."
"It's perjury, plain and simple, and my client vows swift justice," explained Isis' lawyer Paul Grasso. "Look - if some gang of genocidal madmen called themselves Barry Manilow, I'm sure the singer wouldn't be pleased either."
The response from ISIS was swift: "We laugh at your timid threats, insignificant woman," said ISIS spokesman Hamdoon Al Shamzi. "If you dare to challenge us, we shall ignite the West in a cauldron of boiling blood, praise Allah. And if that fails, we still have a team of expensive lawyers.
Isis, which aired in 1975, predated both The Bionic Woman and Wonder Woman. "I am the original TV ass-kicking super heroine!" explained Isis, "If I lose in court, I shall unleash my awesome powers with my glowing amulet, accompanied by a rich '70's disco beat and cheesy special effects."
The immortal Egyptian goddess-turned-1970's era crime fighter also appeared with her colleague Captain Marvel in the Shazam!/Isis Power Hour. "This will not stand!" said a clearly outraged Captain Marvel. "Illegal usage of a comic book trademark is an affront to all of us!"
When the judge threw out the case for fear of losing his head, Captain Marvel and Isis joined forces - summoning the entire Saturday morning TV lineup to bring ISIS to its knees. The Tasmanian Devil took out their command structure. Scooby Doo ravaged their military targets. And Hercules flew away with all their money (and the entire bank vault) atop his super hero shoulders. ISIS was left powerless and broke.
Faced with numerous charges ranging from genocide to copyright infringement, the now bankrupt terrorist group was sentenced to 20,000 years of community service. Tasks include picking up dog shit on the side of the road, and scraping off lead paint chips on old buildings.
"No one messes with Isis!" said the triumphant 70's TV super heroine.
VIEW ISIS PILOT - 1975