Are you tired of colliding with stuff while you text-walk? Have you broken your nose one too many times, because you didn't look up from your smart phone while checking your Facebook? Introducing SmackDown®, the new collision-avoidance app, now available for iPhone and other smarter-than-you devices.
Using the latest GPS/sonar technology, SmackDown® will help prevent you from walking into telephone poles, trees, whisper-chippers, fences and walls, so you can text-walk with no fear of horrible injury. "Over 26,000 people collided with stuff while text-walking last year," explains SmackDown creator Jared Flusk. "I aim to reduce this disturbing trend drastically with my fabulous easy-to-use app."
Once activated, SmackDown "senses" obstacles in the text-walker's path. When approaching a hazardous object, SmackDown sends out a series of loud obnoxious beeps to warn the text-walker of impending collision. "I cracked my skull five times last year while text-walking" said Alicia Davenport, "but today I successfully navigated three city blocks and a parking lot without having to look up even once from my iPhone. Thank you SmackDown!"
Although SmackDown has a 99% success rate with stationary objects, it isn't quite as effective with moving objects such as cars, buses, horses, trains and other humans. Numerous people have already been killed from walking into traffic due to SmackDown's faulty early warning system.
"We're still working out the bugs," explained SmackDown engineer Todd Whifflestein. SmackDown 2.0 will come with an air bag that will explode right out of your smart-phone into your face to protect you from moving objects. This should cut down even further on the high rate of grisly texting deaths worldwide.
But that's not all. Eventually, SmackDown will not just be limited to text-walkers. A new version is being developed that will allow people to drive cars, trucks, school buses, ships, trains, tanks and even fighter jets, all with the help of this simple but brilliant app.
"The future is bright. We envision a day when nobody will ever have to look where they're going again," texted SmackDown creator Jared Flusk, just as he text-walked into an open manhole.