Last week, acquitted killer George Zimmerman slipped on a bar of soap in his shower and died. The gunman had enjoyed a life of fame and freedom ever since shooting Trayvon Martin, an unarmed black man, in 2012. But today, he was shocked when he was re-incarnated as Sheniqua Perkins, a underprivileged black woman in an abusive relationship.
"I don't even recognize myself," said the former Zimmerman as he looked into a mirror to see the face of an attractive 35-year old black woman with two children and an estranged, alcoholic husband with a violent temper.
Zimmerman's "husband" flew into a rage last night. After weeks of beatings, he then threatened to kill Zimmerman (now a black woman) for not being an obedient submissive wife. "Time to stand my ground again" thought Zimmerman. So he shot his "husband" in self- defense. Zimmerman, (now a black woman), was immediately arrested and sentenced to life in prison, case closed.
"Don't you know who I am?" screamed George Zimmerman (as a black woman) "I was just protecting myself from my violent husband! I'm George Zimmerman, gunslinger and neighborhood watchman!" The judge dismissed his comments as delusional, claiming "We can't have black women just walking around, shooting people willy-nilly. That sets a dangerous precedent." Zimmerman was led away in cuffs, repeatedly claiming his innocence. "I'm George Zimmerman. Really! I'm just reincarnated as a black woman." George Zimmerman's new cellmate told him he looked "awfully cute in his new orange jumpsuit".
The Ministry of Reincarnation was quick to respond. "Re-birth is totally random, like a lottery," explained Reincarnation Minister Carl Jankowitz. "Zimmerman could have come back as a hummingbird, a hippo or a tollbooth operator. So he came back as an underprivileged black woman... Well, maybe it's not entirely random."
Now facing life behind bars for "defending" himself, George Zimmerman grew despondent. "I'm an angry white asshole trapped in a black woman's body!" he bellowed at his bewildered fellow inmates. "It's my God-given right to shoot suspicious characters. And if I can't, then goodbye cruel world!" So George (as Sheniqua) intentionally slipped on a bar of soap in the prison shower, and died.
He reincarnated as a veal calf.
Based on Reality: