The buzz of chainsaws. The hum of power drills. The rumble of bulldozers.They're getting closer. In less than a month, San Francisco is set to become a suburb of its expansive neighbor, Los Angeles. In spite of the economy, there is an unprecedented building boom in the Southland. Houses and fast food outlets are springing up at a dizzying velocity. Highways and streets are being laid out almost as fast as the rush hour that creeps along them. And the building frenzy is only expected to intensify.
Starting next week, the First Annual HousingTractathon launches just north of the Walmart in Lancaster CA. Two developers: Crabtree Enterprises and InfinityCorp will go head to head in an all out house building race. The finish line: the San Francisco city limits. Crabtree CEO Dennis Strunsky is revved up and ready to go. "This is a gloves-off take-no-prisoners race. We'll be out there throwing up dwellings twenty four-seven. I'll be knocking on San Francisco's gates by mid month if it takes every bulldozer and
dynamite crew in America."
InfinityCorp claims it will beat Crabtree by at least three days. "We're not going to sacrifice quality either", claimed InfinityCorp president Chad Inkermeyer. "My housing tracts will offer luxury options, from gated security to four car garages to marble fireplaces to mahogany floors."
An army of construction crews will set forth across the California landscape. Hordes of underpaid immigrants will be worked to the bone. At its height, the front line of the suburban sprawl is expected to grow at almost a hundred miles a day. Maps will have to be updated almost hourly. Miles of mountains will have to be blasted away to make room for millions of new homes, Wal Marts, Seven-Elevens, Starbuck's, juvenile detention centers and
landfills. When all is done, there won't be an open meadow or even a hill for hundreds of miles. But the shopping will be great!
Legislation will already be underway to incorporate the City by the Bay into the City of Angels. Names like "San Frangeles" and "Los Angelisco" have been proposed. Irrigation will come from as far away as the Great Lakes to satisfy almost three hundred million thirsty new Californians. When asked what would be the benefits of winning the great HousingTractathon, Crabtree CEO Dennis Strunsky chuckled "Just a three week headstart on next year's HousingTractathon, from San Francisco to Seattle!"