After 244 successful seasons, "America" is finally being cancelled. "It's been a great show," said TV executive Andy Ashtray, "number one since 1776. But now it's time to pull 'America' off the air." America was one of the longest-running programs in modern history, with over two centuries of great characters, solid writing, and quality entertainment.

But in this latest season, America simply ran out of ideas. The writers, desperate for new material, started digging into the garbage dumpster in hopes of keeping the show alive. Concepts that had been rejected for being "ridiculous, shallow and unwatchable" were un-wrinkled, laundered and re-pitched as "fresh, edgy and exciting". Against all odds, these aborted scripts were green-lighted, and "America" broadcast what was to be its final season.

"It's a steaming crap heap beyond my wildest dreams," said ex-fan Amy Harding. "Take 'Naked and Afraid', 'Duck Dynasty' and 'The Kardashians', edit out all the good stuff, and throw the rest into a blender. Then leave it in a warm cellar for three weeks. And you've got the 2020 season of 'America'".

The final season's biggest flaw is the complete lack of good guys. "'America' has totally jumped the shark*," said perplexed citizen James Baldwell. "The cast is made up of milquetoasts and maniacs. Even the villains are too lame to hate."

The plot line has also gone off the rails. "Really? An flaccid, obese, shellacked reality host gets into the White House, and runs the country like a failed casino?" said gambling addict Victor Riceman. "I'd rather watch a colonoscopy in braille."

And so, "America", the longest running show of all time, is being cancelled. Panicked executives are trying to reboot the tired franchise. "America is still a hot brand," said panicked executive Walter Wobblesworth, who sees the product re-emerging one day as a video game, a salad dressing, a pesticide or maybe a foot cream.

But not everyone is horrified at the final fate of "America". "I've binge-watched all 243 seasons," said shapeless blob Malcom Dingle, "I can't wait for 'America, the spray-on deodorant'"!


  * definition of "jumped the shark"



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