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BREAKING ANTI NEWS:
NEW TRAVEL BAN TO INCLUDE COUNTRIES FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE

 

 
 


Last week's mass shooting by a white male in Las Vegas re-ignited the debate over Trump's controversial travel ban. And this time it could affect tens of millions of white people.
 
The travel ban will include England, Ireland, Canada, Norway, Finland, Austria, Iceland, Denmark, and a bunch of other countries that pose a great white threat to the United States.
 
"We must protect our nation from radical whiteness," bloviated the president from his golf cart, "therefore, anyone who looks white or acts white is banned."
 
The days following the mass shooting saw a terrifying backlash against whites. Many were attacked at their jobs and places of worship as "retribution" for the heinous gun attack that killed and injured hundreds of Americans. Roger Smith, a white Uber driver from Chicago was soundly beaten by a group of patriotic thugs. "Go back to Europe, Caucasoid!" was spray painted on his chest.
 
Racial profiling is also on the increase. Police are pulling over whites in greater numbers, simply for being white.  Officers are openly using expletives, such as whitey, butterball, flour-face, marshmallow, medium rare, honkey, and most offensively, active shooter.
 
In order to boost his ratings, Trump dialed it up a notch by detaining all white people in America. "We will open camps. Very nice camps. Terrific camps. And we will put whites into these camps to keep America safe." Officials are still dealing with the logistics of gathering up a hundred and seventy million white people. "We'll lure them in with baby-back ribs and Confederate flags," said Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly.
 
The economic effects of the white ban were immediately felt across America. Wall Street collapsed. Gun sales plummeted.  Golf became extinct. And Trump and the entire GOP were swept out of office. "Oops!" muttered Trump, "I guess we shouldn't have locked up our voting base in detention camps."
 
 
Anti News ©2017 Chris Hume