There was once a time when producing a film required talent, ambition, discipline, and millions of dollars. Now you can do it all with the press of a button. Introducing "MakeMovie®" the amazing new app that lets you create a cinematic masterpiece in a few hours!
Once the realm of visionaries and geniuses, MakeMovie® now puts the craft of filmmaking into the hands of even the laziest, most talent-free, unoriginal schlubs on Earth. "I downloaded the MakeMovie® app onto my iPhone," said lazy talentless schlub Adam Winestock, "and an hour later I had a fully finished two hour feature film with a stellar cast, dazzling visual effects and a captivating breakthrough story!"
And MakeMovie® is so easy, even a dead monkey could use it. The powerful app has a built-in menu of writers, directors, actors, actresses, costume designers, composers, editors and visual effects artists. If you want to be a big famous movie director, just choose your genre, and hit the "render" button. Your movie will be ready within 30 minutes to 2 hours, depending on its level of complexity.
"I've directed over twenty films," said unemployed couch turnip Jack Gork, "all in the last week." Jack's latest oeuvre is a sprawling 1940's period piece, complete with aerial dogfights, epic tank battles, thousands of CGI extras, and Reese Witherspoon. "I think she's hot," drooled Jack from a cloud of bong smoke. When he woke from his afternoon nap, his film was completed.
Kendra Schnool is now the toast of Cannes, with her new heartbreaking romantic drama. The pudgy 2 year-old "directed" the film from her stroller while her Mom was shopping at Walmart. The six-hour Spielberg-Fellini-esque masterpiece stars Halle Berry as a 16 year-old white boy from Mars who is gay. The movie also has lots of dinosaurs and explosions.
However, this terrific new app is posing a serious threat to the entire film industry. "I haven't worked in years," said a dead-broke George Clooney. Martin Scorsese is now a barista at Starbucks, Tom Cruise drives a forklift for Home Depot, and Nicole Kidman mops floors at a supermarket after midnight. Twentieth Century Fox is now a landfill, and Paramount Pictures is a used car lot and miniature golf course.
"We've brought the sacred flame of movie magic to the common man," said MakeMovie® CEO Winston Poindexter. "That's how I won my first twelve Oscars".
Coming soon: PresidentUSA®, the exciting new app that allows you to become President of the United States without having to know anything at all.
