The Apathy Movement suffered some major setbacks today as party officials failed to recruit new members. "We're just not seeing those numbers grow", stated Apathy Party Organizer Edith Croksky, "but it's just so much work and you know, I'm trying to catch up on my 'Storage Wars'."
The party motto "The Problem Will Fix Itself" was dreamed up by Apathist Founder and Chairman Daniel Pipston. He envisions billboards, posters, T-shirts, a website... "but not today", he claimed, leaning back on the bean bag sofa in his mother's basement.
"Our problem is motivation. Someone needs to get off their can and make it happen." Pipston founded the Apathy Party about five years ago, and hopes to one day be his party's nominee for president. So far, the Apathist movement has about four followers, including Pipston's parakeet, Marshmallow.
Some of the Party's platforms include taking it easy, longer napping hours, shorter work days, more TV channels, and tastier cookies. An "Apathists Unite!" rally was planned for Saturday, but was subsequently cancelled due to lack of funds and overall interest.
As Pipston was finishing a slice of pizza in bed, he discussed plans for an Apathist Party Convention next summer. "It's going to be huge! We're thinking New Orleans or maybe Seattle. The people are out there. We've just got to raise awareness. But don't kid yourself", he chuckled, "there's a lot of work to be done! I'm setting my alarm clock for sometime
And so the movement for Greater Apathy waits another day. Pipston and his party faithful might watch a movie tonight. But that would mean getting online and navigating to Netlfix. And then someone would have to go out to the mailbox in two days. They might just order another pizza and doze off... someone will change the dirty sheets tomorrow.