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ANTI NEWS #25:

McDONALDS UNVEILS NEW
"McGULP OF AIR"

 

 
 

Tokyo posted a stage 5 smog alert today. London has run out of breathing shelters. And Los Angeles is appealing to Canada to ship in another twenty container ships of air as its population chokes and gasps in the now permanent orange blanket of fumes and exhaust that covers the city.

The latest smog tsunami, or 'smognami', has population centers across the globe scrambling to cope. And time is running out. But now, with every purchase of a Big Mac, large fries and soft drink at McDonalds, you can get a free McGulp of Air with your meal, until Friday.

"It's our way of keeping our customers alive", says marketing executive Derrick Fanny. "McGulp of Air is a vacuum sealed pouch of organically produced fresh air. Simply pop your straw through the perforated hole, and inhale. It's McFresh! It's McTastic!", he said with a smile.

The "McGulp of Air" pouch promises up to ten seconds of delicious air, and delivers a thoroughly satisfying breathing experience. McGulp contains up to 60 percent real air, and for those diet savvy customers, it's a fit'n'sexy zero calorie meal!

As the Smognami overwhelms the planet, McDonalds expects to rake in billions with sales of McGulp of Air. Other fast food restaurants are getting in on the air craze as well. Jack in the Box unveiled its "Breath-Jack", and Burger King plans to roll out its "Oxy-Whopper" next month. KFC is testing its "extra crispy deep fried air" in certain restaurants. And it's "the biggest thing since Double Down!", said Colonel Sanders III.

Shares of fast food stock soared this week. In fact, BreathWerx, the chief supplier of breathable air to the world, saw its bottom line shatter all kinds of records. "We're on cloud nine", BreathWerx CEO Stag Needlemeyer said from his Pure Oxygen CastleDome in New Zealand.

And now, McGulp of Air is available in various mouthwatering flavors, including butterscotch, raspberry truffle, sea-salt caramel, barbecue spare rib, cigar, and mojito. 8 year old Braxton Skyler is collecting all the colorful McGulp of Air pouches as well. "I've got all the presidents of the United States, and now I'm working on my collection of Popes of the Vatican", he said as he popped his straw into a peanut butter cupcake McGulp of Air.

Coming soon: for an extra $2.95, you can supersize your McGulp of Air, and get up to almost forty five seconds of fresh organic breathable air! The new "family pouch" (with 8 breathing holes) is available for only $14.95. Get one now while supplies last!

Anti News ©2012 Chris Hume

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