It took Tracy Jenkins about 30 minutes to pry all the fillings out of her dead neighbor's teeth. She hoped to trade them for a bag of week-old potatoes, if she could get past the Christian rape squads.
Nick pulled a shriveled onion out of the toxic soil. He bit into it like an apple. For a moment, he imagined himself back in the days when he could dine on fresh organic salmon with steamed vegetables and a glass of white wine.
But that was before America finally became great again.
It was the big day: Millions of homeless, jobless, undernourished, sickly Americans jammed into rally centers around the country for the celebration. The president made the historic announcement via jumbo-screens from the Oval Office. "America is finally great again," beamed the eternal leader from his massive desk, surrounded by crisp flags. The crowds went wild. As a reward, every loyal American received a bag of Cheetos and a bright red "America is Finally Great Again" cap.
"I haven't seen mobs this big since the Costco Riots of 2020," said Kendra Kladdle, a thirty-year-old great grandmother.
The crowning moment came when the final brick was laid into the Great Southern Border Wall. The president himself lowered the brick into place, as the sky overhead exploded with fireworks and boomed with Ted Nugent music. "With this final brick, America is finally great again!" he shouted to a band of jaundiced, cheering patriots.
In fact, the Great Wall has been most effective at keeping Americans from leaving. Over the past few years, the vast exodus of refugees has become a burden to safe and stable nations such as Mexico, Canada, Oregon and California.
Bolstered by his titanic accomplishments, the president rolled out his next wave of executive orders. Wanda Bosworth was caught not being pregnant, in clear violation of the "Always Pregnant" law. She was remanded to the Christian rape squads for "correction".
Stan Watkins was caught trying to remove his "Freedom Chip". He had almost cut the GPS locator out of his upper arm when the MAGA troops burst in and detained him. Forever.
And so, America is finally great. You'd better smile and clap. Your computer's watching you.
