Little Stevie Port, 2nd grader, forgot to capitalize God’s name when he wrote a letter to his Creator. This grammatical error angered the Lord Almighty, and He came down on the boy with all the power and vengeance of an offended Deity. Black thunderclouds swirled over Stevie’s house, and white-hot bolts of lightning struck outside his bedroom window. The boy cowered under his bed.

“How dare you forget to capitalize my name!” yelled the Master of Everything. “I shall smite your soul with fire and fury for your wicked sin!”

“Please Lord, forgive me,” screamed little Stevie, “I will never forget to capitalize your name again!”

“I’m ’God’, not ’god’, God Damn It!” exclaimed God, as He sent tentacled demons leaping out of Stevie’s closet to punish him further for his mistake. “I made you, so I can do whatever I want with you!” Needless to say, Stevie will capitalize God’s name forever more. He’s now going through years of therapy.

One week later, 12-year-old Rachel Torres wrote “he” instead of “He” in mid-sentence when writing about God. Incensed, God dropped a flaming garbage truck out of the sky onto Rachel’s house.

Rachel suffered 2nd degree burns, a broken arm, three broken ribs and a concussion. Rachel’s health insurance claim was declined, because it was deemed an “Act of God”.

“I see all sins, great and small. And not capitalizing even my pronoun is the greatest of sins. Greater than all other sins combined!” He swung His Mighty Fist in a Show of Strength, and then He seized Rachel’s family’s assets. And built another statue of Himself with their savings.

God’s therapist prescribed Him with anti-anxiety medication. But the side effects only produced more anxiety.

Just to make sure that everyone “got the message”, God sent tsunamis, droughts, locusts, and republicans to every corner of the Earth in an unprecedented reign of terror. Millions perished, and finally, God rested.

So, make you sure you capitalize His name, or He will smite you in your sleep. God Bless.

Anti News ©2018 Chris Hume