Larry Lowman was delinquent on his taxes. He owed over $250,000 to the IRS, but he only had $200 to his name. “So I gambled a little. I bought a couple of bright red Italian sports cars. And I’m delinquent on my child support. Sorry Uncle Sam!” said a remorseful-ish Larry.

Larry will face jail time if he doesn’t pony up a quarter million by April 15th. But then Larry had a brilliant idea… a truly “divine” idea.  Larry Lowman turned himself into a church.

Because of a loophole in the U.S. tax law, if you’re a church, you are exempt from paying taxes.

On Monday afternoon, Larry changed his name from Larry Lowman to “The Magnificent and All-Powerful Church of Larry”. And Larry’s $250,000 tax problem evaporated. With blessings from above.

The Magnificent and All-Powerful Church of Larry opened Tuesday morning in an abandoned warehouse. Pastor Larry lured a bunch of people inside with Snicker Bars and patriotic music. Dressed in flowing orange robes and slicked-back hair, Pastor Larry warned his followers that eternal damnation awaited them unless they immediately “donated” their life savings to him. His frightened flock fetched their funds and Larry feathered his nest.

Hallelujah. The Church of Larry was raking in a million dollars a day. And the IRS turned the other cheek.

Larry’s congregation grew and grew, along with piles of free money. Within a year, he had become the Super Mega-Church of Larry, with massive glittering cathedrals in all fifty states. He promoted himself to CEO, Grand Inquisitor, and Pope of Popes. His faithful following: 325 million. His tax bill: zero.

“This is an outrage!” complained Glenda Jackson, a struggling honest taxpaying single mom. “I work three jobs raising two kids. And this holy gas bag gets a free pass!” Glenda was audited by the IRS on grounds of  “religious harassment”. She was never heard from again.

Meanwhile Supreme Minister Inquisitor Larry bought a TV network, a construction company, an airline, an amusement park, a national park, 5 senators, 30 congressmen, 10 wives, 4 Supreme Court Justices and The White House. All funds were legally pipelined through his Church, giving him a tax rebate of $200 billion. Amen.

Why wait? Become a church now and save 100% on your taxes! Everyone's doing it. Of course the government will be dead broke. No more police departments, fire departments, libraries, or highway repairs. But don't worry. God will take care of it.

Anti News ©2019 Chris Hume