There is a whole culture devoted to appreciating and describing the subtle nuances of the palate. A master sommelier can turn a glass of wine into a journey, a poem, a story or even a history lesson.

But this art form need not be confined to expensive wine. The gift of turning taste into prose can be applied to any cuisine, from the finest  soufflé to a flattened squirrel. And when it comes to road kill, no one commands the language of flavor like Road Kill Sommelier Dwayne Belcher.

“I’ve traveled the globe, savoring road kill from the jungles of Africa to the streets of Detroit,” said the Master Road Kill Sommelier.

Last week, Dwayne Belcher scraped a raccoon off of a rural highway. He bit into it before a rapt audience, and his words put the flavor right into their mouths.

“Robust, with a throaty pungent tang. Followed by a high sweet citrus chord. The afterburn evokes a soft wet cheese with a hint of rubber and gravel.”

Dwayne Belcher describes a pulverized street pizza with a Shakespearean flair. But he also brings forth a wealth of road kill knowledge, including speed of impact, the diet of the deceased and even the length of time since the road kill's death.

Speaking through a mouthful of squashed iguana, Dwayne channeled his brilliance. After swishing the road kill around in his mouth, his words issued forth like an oracle. "Eighteen wheeler. Impact 75-80 miles per hour. Nutty, with a splash of zucchini, gummi-bears and leather.” He inhales and swallows. “Five days dead.” Between tastings, Dwayne cleanses his palate with Dr. Pepper and Dorritos.

 “He brings highway hash back to life!” said road-kill foodie Blinda Mumsworth. “If I ever get run over by a bus, I hope he tastes me!”

Dwayne Belcher took home the grand prize last year for correctly identifying a sun- scorched tire tread burger. “Rattlesnake. West Texas. Impact 65 miles per hour. 2 weeks dead. Mixed with flattened vulture and field mouse. I’m tasting a whole food chain here!”

Next year, Dwayne will be official Road Kill Chef at a five star restaurant in Miami.

Anti News ©2019 Chris Hume