In a further deepening of the impeachment crisis, Donald Trump has been accused of plagiarizing former president Richard Nixon.

“This is an historical low,” said impeachmentologist Desmond Hobbs. “Obstruction of justice. Tampering with elections. Intimidating witnesses. Perjury. Money laundering. And now plagiarism? This guy can’t even even commit original crimes!”

But Trump didn’t just plagiarize Nixon. He plagiarized Nixon badly. “Nixon simply taped his crimes. Trump confessed them on Twitter and bragged about them on live TV,” said plagiarologist Howard Fink. “If you’re going to plagiarize, at least do it right.”

Trump was outraged at the accusations of plagiarism. “Witch hunt! Liberal swamp mob! Fake news! Richard Nixon plagiarized me!!” bellowed Trump to a circus tent full of screaming supporters. Nixon’s approval rating plummeted 30% among Trump’s base after their president told them “the real true truth”.

“My crimes are way better than Nixon’s,” boasted the always angry president. “Nixon just tore the soul of America. I tore the soul out of America and then took a huge steaming dump into the gaping cavity!”

The Anti-News reached out to Nixon for comment, but the ex-president declined the offer, because he is dead. “Stone cold loser!” hollered Trump about Nixon, “No Plajerizm!”

Trump will be punished for his plagiarism of Nixon’s crimes. After he is impeached, convicted and imprisoned, he will face after-school detention for three weeks, and then be held back another grade next year. Again.


Anti News ©2019 Chris Hume