In a further escalation of White House scandal, the president is now accused of faking autism at his campaign rallies. News footage of the president's "facial-spasms", "robot-walking", "making cartoon voices" and "spewing profanity" has raised alarm throughout the civilized world. And then the president dropped a bombshell:

"I have autism; therefore, you can’t attack me!" the president proudly announced.

The White House went on the offensive by accusing Democrats of discrimination and outright cruelty. "They're stomping on the president as if he were a helpless 4-year-old child," said White House magician Dr. Christian Feelgood. "Sure, he's a belligerent baby-man with the nuclear codes. Give him a break. He's on the spectrum."

"He's off the spectrum," said autism expert Jill Davis, "way off! Perhaps he's on the malignant narcissist spectrum." But malignant narcissists turned him down. "Malignant narcissists are people too," said spokesperson Jim Jones Jr. "This guy's like...next level."

The president was also rejected by the Tourette community, the bipolar community and the anger management community.  "We're not perfect," said bipolar patient Bruce McKay, "but at least we don't use our afflictions to whip crowds into a foaming frenzy."

And so, along with bribery, extortion, witness tampering, treason and obstruction of justice, the president is now accused of faking autism. "Fake autism, fake nepotism, fake orgasm, whatever!" howled the president. "Got a problem with that? Impeach me!"