Is your neck sore from news whiplash? Too many bombshells and game changers wreaking havoc on your cervical spine? These days, breaking  announcements, live updates and lower third speed-scrolls are pouring into your brain at such dizzying velocity, it's a miracle your head doesn't fly off and roll under the table.

Unless it already has.

Now there's a cure for extreme-hyper-data-overload. Introducing NewsBrace®, the new neck brace for news whiplash. "I was totally traumatized by a torrent of talking points," said news junkie Tilda Twombly. "I had twenty-two opinions at once." Tilda fell into a news coma for two weeks. And then she woke up and found NewsBrace®!

NewsBrace® is a plush inflatable triple neck pillow with foam ear plugs and a satin eye mask. When properly worn, NewsBrace® will effectively block out the world. Newsbrace® is impervious to TV's, radios, iPhones, iPads, laptops, airline terminal news monitors, JumboTrons, angry white men with handlebar mustaches, surly middle-aged women in sun visors, and all other devices.

And in case of Fox News, there's NewsBrace Deluxe®. The new beefed-up version comes with a rubber cork for every bodily orifice to prevent  disinformation-contamination.

So if you're overwhelmed by click bait, news blasts, nail biters, cliff hangers, barn burners, info banners, talking heads, Twitter feeds, opinion factories, emotion molds, and media-diarrhea... don't lose your head. Simply slip on your NewsBrace®. 

Don't remove until the internet collapses.