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FARTBUBBLE:
NEW SOCIAL MEDIA APP
FOR REALITY HATERS


 

 
 


Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, step aside. There’s a new social media bubble in town, and once you're inside it, reality will have a whole new smell.

Welcome to FartBubble®, where fact is fiction and fiction is fact.

“In FartBubble®, physics don’t apply,” said FartBubble founder Phineas Phippen. “Soap makes you dirty, gravity makes you float, math makes you dumb, and water makes you thirsty. Got a problem with that? Go back to Fakebook!”

“I stopped showering a year ago,” bragged Judd Hogg from his greasy couch. “When my family complained that my overpowering stench made their eyes water, I just un-friended them and joined FartBubble®.”

Judd is now part of the Filth-Brigade, a FartBubble® group that proudly proclaims “dirt makes you clean”.

For years, fringe sites like Parler and 4Chan became a home for hordes of paranoid, pallid, plump, pimply cellar-dwellers. But now Parler and 4Chan are just not fringy enough. FartBubble® is so far to the right of the right of the right, it has vanished, and re-appeared on the left, several times over.

“The Earth is six hours old,” said FartBubbler Gary Gobstock, “guns have souls, the sun is made of peanut butter, and the universe is flat.” Gary now has ten million followers on FartBubble®, and he's president of the Flat Universe Society.

But there is some pushback from outside the FartBubble®. “The universe isn’t flat!” explained astronomer Gerald Thinkman. “And if Earth is only six hours old, then where were all you fools last week?” Gerald Thinkman was labeled a “troll” and his house was burned to the ground by a mob of angry gun-wielding FartBubblers.

So, is reality assaulting you from all sides? Then join the ultimate truth-proof feedback loop, where your feelings can dictate the fate of the cosmos from the darkness of your mother’s basement’s basement.

Warning: Keep a flashlight handy, so you don't fall off the edge of the universe.

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  ©2020 Anti News, Chris Hume