Congressman Howard Borgle was accused of committing several acts of honesty during his election campaign. While running for office, he went so far as to tell the truth about his education, his childhood, and even his religious and sexual preferences.

“This is an abomination! Truth-telling sacks of shit like Mr. Borgle are unfit for office!” exclaimed angry lawmaker Judd Bellows, chairman of the House Deception and Fraud Committee.

Mr. Borgle convinced voters to elect him by not lying to them. His law degree is actually real. He has no criminal record. He pays his taxes. And he never defecated on the floor of the U.S. Capitol.

“We’re in uncharted territory”, said Unconstitutional scholar Wade McGoggins. “Mr. Borgle managed to slither his way into Congress using manipulative tactics like integrity, maturity and transparency.”

Howard Borgle was unapologetic. He even doubled down on his position. “Yes, I wet my bed until age 5. Yes, I got a D+ in Algebra. Yes, I didn’t cheat on my wife with an underage cheerleader. And yes. I like Brussels sprouts.”

Borgle’s comments drew howls of outrage from Congress. “He dares to trample on the hallowed ground of graft!” yelled Rep. Douglas Goodsnout of Arkansas. And Rep. Hank Trucknutz of Idaho was equally enraged. “What about the Ten Commandments? He didn’t even break one of them!”

Nevertheless, Howard Borgle was officially sworn in as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives this week.

Investigations into his numerous acts of honesty will continue. “This is a slippery slope.” complained Stool Sampleton (R) Florida, “Before you know it, lying will be against the law.”

  Anti News ¬©2023 Chris Hume¬†