July 1, 2028

Earth’s vast gas supply has finally run dry.

The cheap, loveable product known as gasoline provided power to automobiles, airplanes, cruise ships, chain saws, bulldozers, battle tanks, leaf blowers and anything else with an exhaust pipe.

But now, the party’s over.

Last week, OPEC announced it had produced Earth’s very last gallon of gas.

“It’s been a good run,” said CEO Bloakley Clogman, “we’ve drilled, sucked, probed and blasted, and now there’s just nothing left. Earth’s as hollow as an empty trash can.”

The last gallon of gas was put on public display, carefully set on a red velvet cushion behind bulletproof glass. Thousands of fans made the pilgrimage to wave goodbye to the priceless plastic jug. “We would have driven here to see it, but there’s no gas left, so we pushed our truck all the way from Florida,” said gas lover Jeb Hobbs. He and his family crowded around the last gallon of gas for a selfie.

The cost of the gallon of gas skyrocketed past gold and platinum to become the most expensive commodity in the world. VanGogh and Picasso masterpieces became thrift-store bargains compared to the last gallon of gas. And so, the precious canister went to auction.

The starting bid at Sotheby’s was $750 million. Sultans, gangsters and oligarchs drooled at the prospect of owning the last gallon of gas, outbidding each other in a fuel-induced feeding frenzy.

Bezos offered a billion. Zuckerburg offered 5 billion. Elon Musk offered 10 billion. But the winning bid went to crypto-trillionaire Hank Bobblestock. Sold! For 20 billion dollars. When asked what he would do with his gallon of gas, Hank said, “I’m going on a road trip.”

He filled up his Hummer, but he ran out of gas while backing out of his driveway.

  Anti News ¬©2024 Chris Hume¬†