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ANTI NEWS # 46:

ONE BLOCK LEGO SET: A BIT HIT WITH LAZY PEOPLE

 

 
 


Lego has unveiled its latest series of exciting building sets. And they are a huge success with lazy people. Each colorful kit consists of one single giant block, eliminating the need for assembly.

“This is the New Lego for a new century”, said Lego CEO Thad Nollstrom. “Kids today don’t have time to read instructions and build things. That requires concentration. Why should we confuse and frustrate them? If it’s pretty, shiny and has no moving parts, it sells.”

This year’s collection includes all of the hottest icons and idols. The Justin Beiber Lego mannequin is especially popular. The Youtube sensation’s head, arms, legs and body are all fused together into one solid piece. The skin and clothes, pre-painted with realistic colors, also add to the excitement. The instruction booklet explains in detail how to lift it out of the box, and place it on a table, for viewing.

 The One-Block Craze is the hottest thing since Texas Toast. 16 year old couch potato Greg Schulbe tweets: “My Lego replica of a 72 ounce steak is awesome. It’s factory ready, no assembly required. I’d eat it if I could!”

“This whole ‘imagination thing’ is so pass√©” explained lazy expert Alvin Grubbins. “We are a one-block culture now. And Lego Corporation has adapted. It’s no longer about innovation. It’s now about comfort, security and instant gratification.”

For those old school “thinker types” out there, Lego will be releasing a ‘Classic’ series next year, containing sets with up to eight pieces that can actually be assembled in different ways.

But many are upset at this attempt to ‘intellectualize’ their lifestyles. “That Lego classic shit is for egghead elitists”, snapped angry football dad Bob Lumpman. “No one’s going to brainwash my son with all that highfalutin’ hogwash.” Bob recently bought his son a life size Lego replica of the Crucifixion, (one solid piece) with paint-on Lego blood.

Other awesome kits in the Lego 2013 one-block collection: Harley Davidson Motorcycle, Dead Deer, 77 inch plasma flat screen TV, 30 foot Ronald Reagan statue, and Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) with rubber Lego biceps.

“We love our Lego Reagan!” said Howard Gibbick of Pensacola FL. “But he’s so big I had to cut him into five parts with my chainsaw to get him into the bedroom and glue him back together.”

But Lego’s hottest-of-all item this year is the fully operational Lego AR-15 assault rifle, complete with high volume magazine and Lego bullets capable of piercing armor at 500 feet.
“I’m buying twelve! One for each of my kids.”, said Lego gun enthusiast Hank Elwell of Chugwater Mississippi. “But does it all come in one piece?”

Anti News ©2013 Chris Hume

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