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ANTI NEWS BULLETIN # 59:

DEPOSED EGYPTIAN LEADERS
BECOME CELL MATES

 

 
 

Cairo - Mohamed Morsi, the recently deposed president of Egypt, now resides in the same prison as formerly deposed Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. In fact, they share the same cell. Reports from Al Hala Shamsbali prison, south of Cairo, claim that the two overthrown presidents are getting along relatively well, in spite of a few minor differences.

As the carnage raged across the capital and other areas of the country, Morsi lost a coin toss, as to who gets the upper bunk. The ailing Mubarak did an octogenarian touchdown dance, proclaiming 'Who's your Daddy!' to the younger ousted leader, who sheepishly tossed his belongings onto the stained lower mattress.

"I owned Egypt for more than thirty years", proclaimed a confident Mubarak, accused of allowing hundreds to be massacred during the uprising in 2011. "You were in diapers when I took power. So there are going to be some rules in this cell, bitch."

As the world recoiled in horror at the bloodshed that has threatened the very foundations of Egypt, the two bunkmates were chafing at each others' irritating habits. "You use all the toilet paper each time you take a dump!" shouted a miffed Hosni Mubarak. Morsi, trying to take the high road, said "at least I use toilet paper, you shit mitted greaseball! May Allah smite your nostrils!"

"Oh, now I'm the bad guy!" retorted Mubarak. "Under my watch, Egypt was stable and prosperous. Tourists thronged here to see all the ancient monuments. Can you say that about YOUR regime?"

"Give me a break!" said a visibly peeved Morsi. You unleashed thugs riding camels to beat protesters! Like some lousy Hollywood sword and sandal movie. You're just an old drama queen who threw a man-trum when the people realized you were just a aging dictator."

"Oh here we go..." complained Hosni Mubarak, spoiling for a fight. "Look at you. You couldn't lead your way out of a wet paper bag. The economy tanked, the Brotherhood wanted strict Islamic law, and now you're here in the can with me... way to go, loser!"

Morsi cursed and kicked Mubarak's mattress above him. "You snore like a buzzsaw!" Mubarak shouted down to Morsi. "You fart in your sleep!" Morsi hollered back up to Mubarak. "And who's eating all the cupcakes out of my mom's care package?" Mubarak leaned over the bunk with a frosting mustache. "My bad. I've got weakness for cupcakes. Even if they are Muslim Brotherhood cupcakes."

Meanwhile, security forces and protesters continue to clash violently across Egypt, with little hope for an immediate solution to the mayhem. The two deposed rulers peered out of their tiny prison window at the chaos below.

"Ahh crap!" said Morsi. "Neither of us are ever going to run this country again. "Screw it" said Mubarak, as he hopped down from his bunk. Let's bust out of here and open a frozen yogurt stand in Newport Beach!" And so they did. Hosni & Morsi's Egyptian Yogurt Paradise, right off the 55 Freeway, next to In-N-Out Burger.

Anti News ©2013 Chris Hume

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