In one of the most elaborate and expensive hoaxes ever devised, liberal scientists have managed to create a mammoth drought and heat wave across America, just to prove that they’re right about global warming. Backed by billions in funding from a shadowy left wing overlord, as well as vast amounts of money stolen from the U.S. taxpayers, this group of progressive fiends have constructed a giant invisible magnifying glass that’s decimating America’s breadbasket. And all for their own glory. Conservative sleuth Cleb McGawkins has managed to leak this breakout story.
“They’re willing to barbecue the earth just to keep their funding! I’ve seen the magnifying glass myself. Right over Kansas! The Lord God would never conjure up a drought such as this!” But many believe that the record breaking temperatures and withering drought are the result of "not enough faith". Pastor Willis Boggs has been asking his megachurch congregation to “pray the heat away”.
Senator Buck O’Fleeb (R) Oklahoma expressed outrage. “This heat wave is a nothing more than a preposterous gimmick to divert us from the real issues. While everyone’s whining about dying crops and water shortages, gays are secretly getting married, aliens are sneaking across our borders, and health care is being forced upon us.”
Greta Sandridge of ClimateRescue is appalled. “We have mathematically proven evidence that mankind’s footprint is leaving a devastating impact on our unique planet. With renewable energy, recycling, and raising awareness in our children, we can reverse the terrible habits that are ruining the Earth.”
But Toby Hooley of Kermit Texas is standing firm. “I’m not letting some high minded thinker tell me to throw away my truck!" Throngs of angry dehydrated protesters are calling out for the “destruction of the magnifying glass!” and demanding that these “scientists” be put behind bars for their so called “research” and conjuring up of unholy “facts”!
Truth seeker Cleb McGawkins continues his quest to expose the dirty handed left wingers. “I’m onto something big, and we’re going to bring judgment upon these hoaxers!” His latest theory: feminists and homosexuals are conspiring with math teachers to move the Sun closer to the Earth.