January 5, 2017: After being convicted on multiple counts of sexual assault, former presidential candidate Donald Trump reported to Rikers Island Correctional Facility for incarceration. Amid the whistles and hollers of "fresh meat!" from the convict gallery, a shivering Trump carried his prison-issue blanket and toothbrush to his new cell. To his surprise, his cellmate was fellow rape culture icon Bill Cosby.
The two sexual predators eyed each other with suspicion as the door slammed behind them. Trump seized the upper bunk, and immediately began verbally abusing Cosby. "You're a disgrace to creepy old men everywhere. What am I doing in here with a filthy pervert like you?" Cosby retorted: "Look who's talking? I'm a lily-white schoolgirl compared to you. But then you'll want to date me in ten years. Oh snap!" Trump sniffled in rage.
The busted bigot spent the next month pleasuring hardened convicts. A number of them grabbed him by the hairpiece, calling him sexy little names. "I'll sue you all!" cried the ex-billionaire, "as soon as my voters break me out of here!" Cosby laughed. "This isn't the White House. This is the Big House. And I'm the president here."
Trump and Cosby bonded and formed a bromance based on belittling women. They shared stories about the "outright lies" of the females they had groped and assaulted. They compared rape charges and realized it was a virtual tie. Cosby and Trump high-fived and fist-bumped each other, giving each other cute bro-names such as the Cos-maniac and the Trumpinator.
The press fell in love with the convicted perverts. Trump re-branded himself as the "white, rapey Nelson Mandela". "Everyone loves a victim!" exclaimed a fired-up Trump. "Crooked Hillary played the woman card, I'll play the victim card!"
Cosby offered Trump "bitch protection" from all the leery-eyed lascivious convicts... on one condition. "Once we bust out of the joint," said Cosby, "make me your vice president."
