Never in the history of history has there been such a breakthrough of breakthroughs. After an eternity of eternities, existentialists have made the discovery of discoveries.

“There” was officially sighted this morning by the Deep Infinity Scan Telescope, and is now fully authenticated, certified, verified, bona fide, validated, and guaranteed proven to actually be there.

“We always knew there had to be a ‘there’ there,” explained deep thinker Seth Pillough, “but ‘there’ was always just beyond our grasp.” Humanity has been striving to find its way “there” for thousands of years, by any means necessary, and without even knowing for sure if there was even a “there” there.

For some, “there” is money. For others, “there” is sex. And there are even a few who get “there” by wearing diapers and being slapped around while snorting airplane glue.

“That’s not ‘there’,” said cosmologist Stanley Tweedsdale, “that’s just ‘here’”. “Here” is the shallow illusion of finding that glowing euphoria just over the horizon. In many cases, “here” is the exact opposite of “there”.

Throughout history, scam artists have made fortunes by offering people “short-cuts” and “fast-tracks” to “there”. Whole religions have been founded on the premise of a direct path to “there”.  But “there” can’t be reached from here with magic or money. “There” is everywhere. And still, “there” will always be just out of reach. It’s seventy-trillion light years away on a honey-flavored neon asteroid, and it’s also right behind your sinuses and between your eyes.

So yes. There is a “there” there. But don’t bust your ass trying to get “there”. Ignore "there", and “there” will come to you. Maybe.