Impatient driver Gerald Lipkin was late for work. And then he got stuck at a red light. He muttered some curse words. Nothing. He squeezed the steering wheel. Nothing. He grimaced at the traffic light. Still nothing. Then he closed his eyes and prayed. He prayed really hard for God to turn the light green.

And lo! The light turned green! God had answered Gerald Lipkin’s prayer in a powerful and almighty display of Divine Intervention. Gerald Lipkin was thunderstruck. He skipped work and drove right to the nearest church to report the miracle.

The media picked up the story and it became a breaking news nationwide headline. The “Green Light Miracle” blew up on Twitter and exploded on Facebook. And Gerald became an overnight messiah.

“All it takes is faith,” said a newly evangelized Gerald Lipkin. “If I hadn’t prayed hard enough or deeply enough, that light would have never turned green.”

Tens of thousands of pilgrims descended upon the intersection where “The Green Light Miracle” had occurred. Throngs of devotees camped out in the street, genuflecting at the traffic light, gyrating wildly and speaking in tongues.

Gerald Lipkin was fast-tracked to sainthood by the Vatican.  “I am merely a vessel through which His greatness shines,” declared a humble Saint Gerald to his millions of followers, who now wear little traffic lights around their necks.

A week later, middle-aged stoner Glen Spoor misplaced a smelly sock. He rifled through his laundry pile. Nothing. He pulled his ripe sheets off his bed. Nothing. He looked through his fridge. Still nothing. Then he closed his eyes and prayed really, really hard. And lo! The Sock appeared on the greasy sticky floor behind his toilet.

Glen’s pungent, hole-filled right sock is now enshrined inside a bulletproof glass case at a church in Florida. “The Holy Sock” now attracts thousands of pilgrims daily, who come to bask in its glory.

And they're all wearing dirty right socks around their necks.