July 18, 2178: The National Wilderness Acre will finally open its gate to the public next Friday. Throngs of tourists will be able to walk among actual trees and flowers from 10am to 6pm Wednesday through Saturday. "I've heard about these tree things, even seen pictures of them online," said 12th-generation coal miner Liam Bolton.

The tiny plot of land, the last unpaved place on Earth, was designated a "Historical Nature Capsule" by Congress by a razor thin 218 to 217 vote. "I am proud to be a steward of the environment" said Democrat Craig Tully. Republican Stag Horksnout voted against the measure. "Another job killer! Some woke liberal acre of trees getting in the way of growth. There's enough lumber on that patch of land for half a megachurch!"

But despite heavy GOP resistance, this miniscule speck of real estate is safe from industry, at least until the next legislative session. Since the Final Clear Cut of 2099, no tree has grown and no flower has bloomed outside of the private gardens of the fabulously rich. Earth is now a highly lucrative strip mine and gas extraction facility from pole to pole.

This Wilderness Acre, a grove of pine, birch and maple, is located in the northeastern Autonomous Vermont Republic. For a discounted $12,000 day pass, visitors can wander the shady path, smell the flower, and maybe catch a glimpse of the frog, or even the sparrow.

Unfortunately, next Friday's Grand Opening might be delayed, as poachers made off with most of the wood for a championship UFC fighting cage. Most of the rest of the Acre is now being used to grow and slaughter beef and pork products. And the frog and the sparrow were kidnapped and made into a tasty shish kabob.

Due to massive deforestation, Congress has officially re-named it the "National Wilderness Square Foot".