It's a devastating scandal that could sink the Obama White House. Charges are being leveled by the GOP that President Obama may have added only 2 million jobs and made the country a stronger and safer place. But he has yet to deliver a suitcase stuffed with cash and a lifetime supply of cheeseburgers to every American - and could therefore face impeachment.
"These actions are deplorable and un-American", slammed Senator Bubba Huggins (R - Alabama). "We don't need a nanny state watching over us, providing employment to a bunch of bums. And killing Osama Bin Laden was nothing more than a shameless political stunt. If we were in power, we would have whacked Bin Laden on live TV, paraded his burning head around on a stick, AND provided a truckload of gold bullion to every man woman and child in this country. God Bless America!
President Obama is on the defensive now. "My White House firmly denies these ludicrous attacks. I never promised a swimming pool full of baby back ribs to every working family. And I don't sneak into children's bedrooms and take away their guns. These allegations are simply offensive."
But recent leaks from a White House "allegator" tell a different and possibly damning story. Thousands of unshredded documents and undeleted emails reveal a vast conspiracy to lower student tuitions, hire more police and firemen, fix the broken health care system, shore up the housing crisis, and even reduce the epidemic of child obesity. And the paper trail could very well lead right to the top, to the President himself.
"This could make Watergate look like Tiddlywinks", said Grover Dillhopper of the Center for Mediocrity. "This so called 'vision' to restore America is nothing more than a Socialist Muslim mirage. The president is an incompetent treasonous criminal. The average American citizen deserves more! Where are the castles with moats and heliports, and casinos, and Ferraris in every driveway? That's what a real president would have done."
The House has mustered enough votes for Obama's impeach- ment, now that Bin Laden is dead and the troops are out of Iraq (but Obama has yet to bring a private Caribbean island and NFL franchise to every American doorstep). Chad Stenchworth (R) summed it up in a speech to the Turn Back America Coalition:
"Every American has God given freedoms. Freedom from health care. Freedom from gun control. Freedom from science. America was built on freedom, and Barack Hussein Obama is not going to take that away from us. Until he gives each American a private jet complete with missile launchers and scantily clad stewardesses."