A new super fad is sweeping across the God Fearing America. And it’s called, quite aptly, “The Bible Belt”.  It’s a terrific new way to make your baby a believer before it’s even born! Developed by the ultra conservative Personhood Foundation, the Bible Belt is an mp3 player and speaker filled with scripture, sewn into a belt, and strapped onto the belly of an expectant mother. After three trimesters of holy verse, played right through the uterine wall, little Braxton or little Schuyler will leap out of that birth canal genuflecting to the Lord!

“Think of it as a leg up on Home Schooling”, an excited Rick Santorum tweeted at a prayer breakfast. Bible Belts ® have been leaping off the shelves at malls from Joplin to Jacksonville. The standard model is 4 Gigs, and contains Old Testament favorites such as Leviticus and Deuteronomy. The deluxe model is 15 Gigs, and contains both Old and New Testaments. There is also a Latter Day Saints Bible Belt for the Mormon Mothers.

Bible Belt ® comes with an instruction manual. Mothers are advised to strap it on before procreative sex – so their little unborn persons can be “Christ-wired” right from conception. The deluxe Bible Belt also offers a “constant loop” option, which delivers a never ending “Bible Study” for the full nine months of gestation.  Junior will be fully prepared in the art of handling and selling slaves, seething goat meat in its mothers milk, and banishing homosexuals to the eternal pit of fire.

“This in-utero education will leave no wiggle room for ‘free thinkers’”, said a jubilant Pat Robertson. “America will have a ready made volunteer Army for Christ.“
As a promotion, Bible Belts ® are being given away at high schools, churches and fast food outlets from Salt Lake City to Savannah to Scranton. Pastor Willis Hobbs of the Personhood Foundation predicts an America free of gays, liberals and environmentalists by 2059. While being fed a non stop audio diet of Biblical truth, little unborn people will also be encouraged to enlist at their local military recruiting office as soon as the placenta has been wiped off.
And now, Bible Belt ® come in a variety of colors, including hot pink, leopard skin, zebra stripe, and sexy cow hide!