Finally, a store chain has opened, that will make you feel perpetually middle aged and depressed. In the spirit of the wildly successful “Forever 21”, which offers clothing and accessories to make you look young and sexy, the new “Forever 53” will be selling baggy bathrobes, oversized T-shirts and beige pants with waist sizes of 44 inches and up.
“We’ve been totally ignoring a whole section of the market”, says CEO Margaret Atwater. People are getting older. 70 is the new 60. And 60 is the new 50. Aging baby boomers long for the days when they had hair to comb over their balding skulls. Octogenarians lament the days when they had beer guts. And “Forever 53” will go right after that crowd. So shelves at ‘Forever 53’ will be stocked with sexy XXXL briefs, flip flops and golf visors.
“Sure it’s a controversial name for a store”, said Ms. Atwater. “It cultivates the illusion that people can stay middle aged forever. And what’s wrong with a little fantasy?”
Forever 53 is even opening a “Viagra Bar”, where the elderly can re-live the onset of impotence. “Nothing says nostalgia like your first erectile failure” says the neon sign over the bar - where folks can down the overpriced pills while dancing around in inappropriate clothing.
Customers are already pouring in, trying on the popular “4th marriage” clothing line, and spritzing themselves with “Mid-Life Crisis” perfume.
“Why should we have only one mid-life crisis?”, a happy customer commented. “At Forever 53, you can live it over and over again.” CEO Margaret Atwater enjoys the service she provides to old people who want a way back. But her work isn’t finished. “What’s next?”, she chuckled. “I don’t know.. Maybe ‘Forever 69’?”