A new poll shows Resignation opening a 20-point lead over Outrage. With the mid-term elections still months away, Outrage still believes victory is possible despite Resignation's recent gains.
"Outrage has a steep climb ahead, if it's going to prevail," explained pollster Hank Jackstraw. "But with the constant flood of soul-numbingly rotten headlines, a lot of Outrage has simply given way to Resignation."
Over the past year, many have succumbed to "outrage fatigue", a condition resulting from being uncontrollably angry for an extended period of time. "I can't fix the fucking country myself," said a perpetually furious Amanda Jennings, "and my anger tank is running on fumes." Amanda recently collapsed into a heap of Resignation, along with millions of other Americans.
Outrage used to have a commanding lead over Resignation, back when everything started to suck last year. But the amount of outrage became so outrageous, it simply imploded, leaving a bottomless pit of doom and exhaustion. Resignation quickly filled the void. By mid-summer, Outrage and Resignation were in a dead heat. Outrage took another big hit when Misguided Confidence and Disbelief In Everything entered the race.
"Outrage requires a foothold in reality in order to thrive," said furyologist Andre Jebsloth. Now it's being threatened by Myopic Pride, Stoned Apathy, and Ironclad Faith.
So what's a bottomed-out world to do? "It's going to take the Mother-of-All-Stupid to bring Outrage back to its feet," said Anger Professor Jared Zitmeyer.
And then, just when Outrage was about to kick the bucket, Donald Trump proposed arming school teachers and declared war on the rest of the world.
Resignation submitted its resignation. And Outrage roared back to life.
