Hi there. It’s me, Freddie the Floater. Yep. Right here, floating in your line of sight, slightly out of focus. I’m your unwanted friend, bobbing and weaving inside your eyeball; that cute little nebulous blob of fuzzy matter no bigger than a comma. I mean you no harm. I just randomly show up while you’re reading or driving or hiking or knitting or eating or walking your dog. And then I zig up and zag back off to the left, playing hide and seek, until the next time you don’t want me.

I know you’ve got plenty of questions. So go ahead, Freddie the Floater is here to answer your queries.

What am I? I’m just a natural coagulation of microscopic fibers in the vitreous humor, the clear gel-like fluid inside of your eyeball. I usually last long enough for you to recognize my shape: I might be a squiggly spiral, or a blurry tendril or a grayish blotch. If you’re nearsighted and over fifty, you’ll really get to know me well. Like a pet. Or a buddy. So get used to having me around. For a month or three.

Why am I living in your eye? Your body is filled with lysosomes. Lysosomes are special membrane-bound cells. They act as a clean-up crew, preventing coagulation throughout the body. They break down excess or worn-out cell parts. They may be used to destroy invading viruses and bacteria. If the cell is damaged beyond repair, lysosomes can help it to self-destruct in a process called programmed cell death, or apoptosis. But there is one place where lysosomes are not welcome: the inside of your eyeball. And that is why Freddie the Floater has taken up residency in that cozy little cubbyhole.

How can you get rid of me? Not so easily! I’m squatting in your eye because it’s safe in here. You’d do the same thing too if you were a floater. And I have friends. Meet Francis the Floater. And Phineas. And Phillip. And Frank. And Felix. So you’re never alone. You’ve got plenty of floater friends. Got a problem with that? Just blink hard a couple of times. And we’ll scatter. But we’ll be back. Maybe we can all get together and watch a movie later tonight.

Anti News ©2021 Chris Hume 


Venmo: @chume65
Zelle: gooutlaughing@gmail.com