(and be the envy of a dead planet)









It turns out all those liberal scientists were right about catastrophic global warming. Fortunately, you’re a billionaire. You don’t have to worry about pesky nonsense like hurricanes, wildfires and famines. You made your fortune jacking up fuel prices, hiking up healthcare costs, cornering the real estate market, then subsidizing yourself with tax cuts. Now you can hide from all the people you screwed, deep inside your deluxe Billionaire Bunker®! You can live in total luxury and security, while everyone else slowly cooks to death outside your front door.

Billionaire Bunker® is the ultimate hideaway for the ultra rich. Starting at only $35 million, it comes with 20 bedrooms, 3 gyms, 2 Olympic-sized pools, 10 jumbo ultra HD flat screens, a 3-year supply of frozen rib eye steaks, an extreme beer fridge, a wine grotto, a weed vault, and enough gasoline generators to power the whole place for at least a month. Or two. (Because solar's for sissies).

And your Billionaire Bunker® is totally super safe. You will live comfortably behind five-foot concrete walls, electric razor wire, flamethrowers and a roof-mounted fully rotational 50mm cannon, just in case the starving unwashed masses try to breach your perimeter.

You also get a special “money room” filled with stacks of clean crisp hundred dollar bills. Of course there’s no need for money anymore. But still, there’s nothing sweeter than getting stoned and rolling around in piles of money. Live large, like a boss!

Watch the sea levels rise and the cities burn from the comfort of your own Billionaire Bunker®! You’ll be the envy of a dead planet. Even millionaires will be knocking desperately at your door.

Order now and we’ll throw in a surface-to-air missile battery, three truckloads of Don Julio Tequila, a beanbag chair and a rocket ship!

Anti News ©2021 Chris Hume 


Venmo: @chume65
Zelle: gooutlaughing@gmail.com