Psychologists and psychiatrists have long grappled with the crippling, intangible condition known as depression. Depression can lead to total loss of motivation, pleasure and passion for anything. It’s accompanied by a paralyzing heaviness that can make it almost impossible to get out of bed.

But recently, a consortium of cheer-experts have came up with a brilliant solution to combat this powerful force that is destroying a million Americans every year:

Get over it. Just stop being depressed.

Dr. Brittany Happysmith, an influential glee-guru, proudly revealed her new miracle cure last week. “Look. Depression is just a silly fallacy. If you start getting weepy and sulky, just stop. Flip it off, like a light switch in your head. Go out to the park and do some back flips. Make a viral Tik Tok video. Boom. Done."

But this magical solution is not gaining much traction with the depressed.
“I’ve been looking for that light switch in my head, but there is no frikkin' light switch,” said Sandy Whitmore, who suffers from chronic depression. “Doctor Happysmith is making a fortune by smiling and being really, really good looking while doing silver-thong yoga poses on yachts. And I’m still depressed”.

“Just pray the depression away”, gloated Happysmith. “I was depressed once. Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t buy me a triple fudge maple pretzel cherry waffle cone when I was 6 years old. I was traumatized and depressed for over 5 minutes. Now I’m blessed with cheer and gladness. I’m married with five kids, property, a sweet stock portfolio, and a canary yellow Range Rover. And my 'Just Get Over It' T-shirts and golf visors are making me millions daily.”

Despite the fact that depression can ruin careers and relationships, and suicides are increasing annually, Dr. Happysmith is doubling down on her prosperous miracle cure: “This is the land of the free and home of the brave. Not the land of the weak and the home of the lame. Got a problem with that? Shut up and smile.”