Crisis Actors are the unsung heroes of Liberal Fake News. For years they have played the roles that made leftist hoaxes look real. If they make you cry, they’re doing their job.

“I’m proud of my work,” boasted crisis actor Jessie Wall, who performed as a dead kid at numerous staged mass shootings. “Lying in a pile of fake corpses gives me a purpose.”

“Crisis acting is an art,” explained child crisis actress Wilma Blump, who played a 10 year-old pregnant rape victim. “Simulating fake tragedies is entertainment, and it pays my bills.”

“I died hundreds of times and loved every minute of it,” said Covid crisis actor George Flimsy. His countless tear-jerking hospital bed performances made the pandemic almost believable.

“I was among thousands of climate crisis extras who died in the simulated European Heat Wave of 2022,” explained Vicki Snell, renowned crisis actress. “Of course, the heat wave never happened. And Europe doesn’t exist.”

Crisis acting is the hottest new career in this boring, trouble-free world.  “I’ve had my legs blown off 27 times,” said war crisis actor Ted Kipplestone.  “Of course, in reality, guns don’t kill people, rapists don’t rape people, heat waves don’t roast people, and wars don’t slaughter people. But without chaos, crisis and horror, I’d be out of a job.”