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ANTI NEWS #5:

VAST GAY CONSPIRACY BRINGS AMERICA
TO ITS KNEES

 

 
 

Steve Jackson and Paul Howard said their vows and tied the knot, being pronounced husband and husband on Thursday at 2:30pm. They are the 2,000th gay couple to be married this month. Now... there are enough, and the invasion forces are ready to topple America.

They've gathered in a secret warehouse just outside Kansas City. Thirty thousand gay commandos, led by the elite "married gay striker brigades", will stage a full scale surprise attack on an unprepared United States.

"They won't know what hit them", said Gay Captain Dale Witherspoon. "We will spread homosexuality to the four corners of the republic. We will bring traditional marriage to its knees. We will re-educate children to be gay. And a gay flag will fly over this great land."

A huge pink map of the nation covers the wall of the Gay War Room. Churches and schools are marked as targets. There is a feeling of excitement and anticipation as G-Day approaches. Gay Colonel Erik Root lays out the plan: "We have gay cells planted in cities everywhere. When G-Day begins, they will activate, and our forces will get behind them and back them up.

The invasion will begin with a series of daring night raids, with unstoppable waves of gay men ransacking and pillaging wholesome American towns. Barber shops will be turned into buff'n'wax salons. Churches will be turned into gay night clubs. Hardware stores will be turned into bondage supply depots. And most important of all, schools will become re-education centers.

This is a "worst nightmare" scenario for numerous God fearing conservative groups. Fundamentalist Christians have gone so far as to establish laws to ban same sex partnership, and to take away the rights of gay people in their midst. They've even prayed to their angry God to bring vengeance upon the gay community. But Angry God is stretched too thin these days, having exhausted himself by sending down earthquakes and tsunamis to wipe out poor people across the globe. And he is strapped for cash. God recently put up a website (www.god-is-broke.com) to try and raise funds for future plagues and apocalypses.

But the gays have outspent God by nearly three to one. Being fiscally responsible, as well as creative and savvy entrepreneurs, they have managed to raise boat loads of money. Now their gay arsenals are fully operational, and resistance is futile.


"Yes, it is a vast gay conspiracy", said gay General Hoopla Manstick. "We will wipe heterosexuality off the map. And we will replace it with size thirteen high heels and silver eye shadow."

 
   
 

 

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