November 12, 2097: Jerome McNabb, a fugitive wanted for multiple murder, took up residence at the Embassy of Texas in Washington DC last week, in hopes of getting asylum in the Christian Republic.
Holed up in the fortified embassy, which is technically Texan soil, Jerome is just out of reach from American authorities, who wait outside the gates, hoping to capture him and bring him to justice.
Jerome has been charged with twelve counts of first degree murder, along with assault, rape, torture, arson and terrorism. He is on the FBI's ten most wanted list, and has been on the run from police for the past several years. Now, safely inside the Texan Embassy, he plans to travel, under diplomatic cover, to Texas, where he will be welcomed as a national hero.
"We will roll out the red carpet for Jerome McNabb", said Texas President Rick Perry III, who promises asylum to the cold blooded (but deeply religious) killer. Texas, which has no extradition treaty with the United States, has become a safe haven for numerous zealots, fanatics, and dedicated crusaders for Christ. Former San Diego Chargers quarterback Chuck Firebird was granted asylum in Texas last year, after "God" told him to shoot up a Planned Parenthood clinic in California. He is now Minister of Prayer in Perry's cabinet.
The Republic of Texas has scoffed at any diplomatic requests to release Jerome McNabb to the United States. "We seceded from your Godless Liberal Homosexual Femi-Nazi "States" to found our God fearing nation based on football, firearms and scripture", bellowed President Perry III. "You want Jerome back? Come and get him. The Texas Army of God will cut you down!"
Murder, although technically illegal in Texas, is now the nation's official sport. Every year, spectators throng to the Murder Bowl held at Dick Cheney Stadium, where intellectuals, environmentalists and homosexuals receive Second Amendment Therapy as the crowds cheer. "That's the only thing we borrowed from your silly Constitution", said President Perry III.
Relations between The United States and Texas have always been chilly, but this is a new low. Both nations have recalled their ambassadors, and Texas is considering closing its embassy in Washington. Jerome's journey to sanctuary would thus be closed off. Several other nations have offered to take him in, including Idaho, Uganda and Oklahoma. With no diplomatic means to retrieve Jerome McNabb, The United States is in a quandary.
And if that wasn't enough, Emily Starlight Butterfly, renowned peace activist, tree sitter, feminist, and vocal opponent of the Keystone XL pipeline, recently slipped through the FBI's fingers. "She is a fugitive and is considered a traitor to American values", said Will Hinch, Justice Department spokesman. Last week, Emily traveled through Canada to reach the Republic of Vermont, where she has been offered asylum.
Anti News ©2013 Chris Hume
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