Are you gripped by anxiety? Are you trapped by depression? There is a way out. HappyToxicorticol can change your life. Say goodbye to all your demons with one pill. HappyToxicorticol will lift your spirits and give you the clarity you know you deserve. Each dose of HappyToxicorticol provides more than five minutes of uninterrupted happiness.

Symptoms may include anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, binge eating, binge-watching Storage Wars, impotence, four-hour erections, explosive diarrhea, implosive self-esteem, losing your keys, clown lips, binge tattooing, recreational vomiting, nude dumpster diving, unfriending yourself on Facebook, blurred vision, joining a cult, shopping at Hobby Lobby, swollen digits, death breath, blindness, belly lint, ear beards, road rage, NRA membership, bunions and heartburn.

"I swear by HappyToxicorticol!" said avid user Jeb Clenkins. "Those five minutes of euphoria between weeklong bouts of curling up under the bathroom sink are totally awesome!"

HappyToxic is FDA certified and ready to leap right off the shelf and into your mouth! It will liquidate your anxiety for five awesome minutes - and - it comes in five flavors guaranteed to slaughter your sadness: Key lime-maple, pomegranate-bacon, pineapple-scallop, Cuban cigar, and Cola.

"It's Toxilicious!" says user Steve Lushman.

With one tasty HappyToxicorticol caplet, you can murder your melancholy, and blow away your bitterness. A world of sheer positivity awaits you. Other side effects include: melting flesh, homicidal behavior, staring into the fridge for hours on end, convulsions, paranoia, genital warts, arson, rudeness to waiters, drooling, leprosy, insomnia and drowsiness.

"I don't know where I'd be without HappyToxicorticol" said former truck driver Bruce McMurray. "Probably living an average, boring well-adjusted life, free of night terrors and killing sprees."

Sign up for your prescription now. Only $175 per capsule (first pill is free). Own your happiness. Possible blisters, ulcers, cancers, goiters and hemorrhoids may occur.

Anti News ©2014 Chris Hume