Phyllis Chapworth, known to the world as the GPS Lady, is being sued for mouthing off to a driver who wasn't following directions properly. GPS Lady's scandalous fall from grace has stunned hundreds of millions of dedicated followers. Her soothing yet commanding voice has been guiding travelers the world over. But today, the familiar voice of the GPS Lady may be forever silenced.

"She's supposed to be understanding and infinitely patient," said stupid driver Greg Schwartz. "But when she called me a 'brainless dumb shit' when I missed that right turn, I'd finally had enough." Greg Schwartz decided to sue the GPS Lady for damages and emotional trauma.

Apparently, Ms. Chapworth's outburst was only the tip of the iceberg. For almost a decade, her 'kind and motherly' voice has been verbally assaulting drivers for not navigating properly.

"I love my job," explained the GPS Lady (who also moonlights as Siri, the app that knows everything), "but dealing with millions of clueless numbskulls every minute of every day can really get frustrating. Seriously, most people couldn't navigate their way out of their pants!"

For years, GPS Lady was considered untouchable. No one dared to come forth and expose her. But as soon as Greg Schwartz went public with his lawsuit, countless other drivers came out of the woodwork, each with their own personal GPS Lady horror story.

"I missed the exit on my way to the airport," said Darcy Willis of Louisville "Instead of helping me, she told me to 'pull my head out of my ass and get it right for a change.'"

"I'm looking for the nearest donut shop, and I type in my request," said Jack Rogers of Denver. "And she tells me to 'go find a gym instead, you quivering tub of blubber.'"

Agnes Jennings of Wichita was called 'dumber than a doorstop' for turning left instead of right. Bruce Melvin of Seattle was told to 'just hand the wheel over to a dog or a chipmunk' because he arrived at his destination 40 seconds late. And when Deb Quigley ended up at a garbage dump instead of her yoga class, the GPS lady simply replied: "Wrong again, toadstool!"

After a long illustrious career at the top of her game, the GPS Lady was overwhelmed by the tsunami of accusations. "First Bill Cosby, now me??" was all she could say.

And so, Phyllis Chapworth, former GPS Lady, has disappeared from the limelight, hiding herself in shame.  But once Americans no longer had a soothing quasi-robotic female voice to tell them where to go, what to do, and how to eat, nobody knew what to do with their lives anymore... and the economy collapsed.



Anti News ©2015 Chris Hume



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