A new boycott is underway. Millions of citizens are fed up with the system and want to change it. They are even more pissed off, however, at the total lack of results. This has sparked a new movement: boycotters are boycotting boycotting.
"I stopped buying American cheese five years ago," said boycotter Fred McDimple. "The stuff is a creepy evil orange color, and it tastes like feet. So I stood up for my rights and boycotted it. Nothing happened. American cheese is still here. What the fuck?"
Activist Thelma Parker boycotted boiled hot dogs for twenty years. "Everything is wrong with them. They're made out of lips, anuses and snouts, and they cause cancer," said an angry Thelma, "so I boycotted them. Guess what? There are now more boiled hot dogs than ever. My boycott backfired."
"I've been boycotting gasoline for at least an hour", said well-intended citizen Jackson Hasbro. "It melts the ice caps, and it's really flammable. So I'm doing my part until tomorrow morning, when I have to drop off my kids at school."
The boycott movement suffered several more blows today when boycotters boycotted the boycotting of canned vegetables, fur coats, gun-silencers, Domino's pizza, gas-guzzlers and red velvet birthday cake toothpaste. "It's time we stand up to standing up," explained cynicist Arthur J. Snout. "Resist the urge to resist, because resistance is futile."
Meanwhile, a group of Trump supporters are boycotting the latest Star Wars movie. "We're offended by the shape of the helmets used by the Empire," said lead Trumpist Flint McDaniel. "It's a clearly anti-Nazi statement. Another Hollywood liberal attack on our values." But their boycott bottomed out when the box office boiled over with billions of tickets sold.
So what's a boycotter to do? Brigid Babson of Boise City is boycotting everything. "You've got to start somewhere. If I don't starve to death, I'll eventually bring the world to its knees."
So don't give up. Boycott the boycotters who are boycotting boycotting.
