A new poll is out, indicating that polls aren’t polling so well. The poll reveals a substantial drop in the polls for polls. This poll also shows that polls are neither predictable nor precise across the polling parameter, especially polls conducted by pollsters polling repeatedly-polled pollees. In a recent poll, a group of pollees were asked if they preferred being polled before lunch, during a shower, during sex, while sleeping, sitting on the john, or after dinner. The poll revealed one pertinent point: no one wanted to be polled anywhere at anytime.

“Polls are paramount. Polls predict a perfect prognosis,” proclaimed Polling President Paula Piven. “If you have nothing else to say, fill the void with a poll.”

The precipitous plunge in the popularity of polls has plagued the political playground as well. Not only do polls not portray a proper profile of reality, polls now provide a portrait of the polar opposite of what’s being presently perpetrated.

“Polls are preposterous! Polls polarize! Polls poke our privates!” exclaimed anti-poll proponent Peter O'Poole.

But the perplexing question is: are ping-pong pendulum polls premeditated? Are pollsters cherry picking particular pieces of poop to pad their portfolios? Or are polls just impossibly piss-poor?

Polls have now plummeted to a point where they are paralyzed. “The polls have been poisoned,” said pessimistic poll pundit Patricia Portman.  “Polls are a putrid pile of pig puke. It’s time to stick the polls where the sun don’t shine.”