A new poll is out, indicating that polls aren’t polling so well. The poll reveals a substantial drop in the polls for polls. This poll also shows that polls are neither predictable nor precise across the polling spectrum, especially polls conducted by pollsters polling repeatedly-polled pollees. In a recent poll, a group of pollees were asked if they preferred being polled before lunch, during a shower, during sex, while sleeping, sitting on the john, or after dinner. The poll revealed one useful fact: no one wanted to be polled anywhere at anytime.

“Polls are paramount. Polls predict perfect parameters,” proclaimed Polling President Pamela Piven. “If you have nothing else to say, fill the void with a poll.”

The precipitous plunge in the popularity of polls has plagued the political playground as well. Not only do polls not portray a proper profile of reality, polls now provide a portrait of the polar opposite of what’s being perpetrated.

“Polls are preposterous! Polls polarize!” exclaimed anti-poll proponent Paul Poole.

But the perplexing question is: are ping-pong polls premeditated? Are pollsters cherry picking particular pieces of poop to pad their portfolios? Or are polls just impossibly piss-poor?

Polls have now plummeted to a point where they are paralyzed. “The polls have been pirated,” said pessimistic poll pundit Patricia Portman.  “Polls are a putrid pile of pig puke. It’s time to stick the polls where the sun don’t shine.”