April 15, 2219: In a stunning victory, smart people have been elected into power, after centuries of absolute rule by dumb people. “It’s about time,” said a newly elected smart person, “now that America is knee-deep in raw sewage, store shelves are empty, and every citizen is pulling radioactive clumps of hair out of their scalps.”

Smart people won by a squeaker on election night. No one saw it coming, since most citizens were busy defending their rotting food piles with torches and machetes.

“We'll have a lot of work to do once we’re sworn in,” said Joe Smartman. "As soon as we put out the chemical fires and bulldoze the garbage-mountains, we’ll find all the buried schools, fire stations and hospitals.” It may take 20 years to dig out the Grand Canyon and re-fill The Great Lakes with water.

But dumb people refused to concede. “Rigged erection!” howled defeated dimwit Calvin Spork, “These smart heads will destroy America,” he claimed, proudly gesturing to the urine and feces soaked swamp, dotted with burning cars to the horizon.

The dumb people demanded a recount. They lost. They appealed. They lost. They sued. They lost. 20 billion dollars of taxpayer-funded litigation later, the dumb people conceded.

In the final tally, smart people won by merely half a vote. Justice and decency prevailed.

2 days later, the dumb people blamed the smart people for ruining America.  “Look at this scorched wasteland!” screamed defeated douchebag Derrick Dimbulb, “Almost 3 days in power, and they’ve done NOTHING!” The dumb people raised a massive war chest to defeat the smart people as soon as possible.

 “We will not go quietly”, hollered outgoing Senator Buck Blimpface.

Before leaving power, dumb people did one clever thing: they reduced the election cycle from 2 years down to 1 week.

 “We’ll kill them in the cradle!” cackled Buck Blimpface. “With one-week terms, these smarty-pants-know-it-alls will be so busy running for re-election they won’t have time do anything else. And America will stay great forever!”

 

DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE TO SAVE AMERICA AND OUR PLANET.
DO IT NOW!