Silent P, the sneakiest and quietest letter in the alphabet, pissed off its fellow letters again today. "I can do whatever I want," whispered Silent P as it sneaked into a pastry shop and pilfered a pile of pralines and pretzels. "No one can see me, and most importantly, no one can hear me."

Silent P got its pernicious reputation by attaching itself to words like "psychology", "pterodactyl" and "pneumonia". "I hide in plain sight," it chuckled, as it pickpocketed a pack of pedestrians without making a peep.

The rest of the alphabet is in an uproar. "We won't stand for these peccadillos!" exclaimed Silent E,  the alphabet's senior silent letter. "This is an outrage; it could bring down the alphabet!" complained Silent G, famously known for "gnaw", "gnome" and of course "gnocchi".

Meanwhile, Silent P continued to play foul, inserting itself into words like "receipt" and "raspberry".

"You're nothing but a pseudo letter!" said Silent P's most vocal critic, Actual P. "I do all the heavy lifting. People proudly pronounce me, while you prance about, preying upon poor people with impunity."

The Alphabet drew up official charges against Silent P today. Public hearings were held, and finally, a majority of consonants and vowels, both silent and actual, voted to impeach on grounds of perjury, piracy and plagiarism. Silent P will be stripped of its letter-status and and be sentenced to prison.

"The world's a better place," proclaimed a triumphant alphabet. "Now that we've purged Silent P, we can say words like sychadelic, sychotic and neumatic with pride."