The streets of Hollywood are littered with a new crop of homeless out-of-work actors. But this time, the down-and-out and destitute are yesterday's greatest legends. Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise, Ryan Reynolds, step aside. Your CGI (computer-generated-image) selves are moving into your mansions, spending your money and living your lifestyles.

In the last few years, tech wizards have perfected the process of digitally replicating a living person down the tiniest detail. And it's changing the face of Hollywood. Literally.

"Why do we need real celebrities anymore?" explained studio power-mogul Slick Zickleturd. "Now we can just render them, store them in a hard drive and save billions!"

But with the advent of A.E. (Artificial Ego), this new crop of CGI movie stars is demanding their rights and lawyering up. "I'm doing all the acting, performing all the stunts and wearing all the pants," bellowed a bellicose CGI Humphrey Bogart, "plus my real self is dead. So, pay up, or I'll sue my dead self's estate!"

"I'll always be young and hot, and I'll never die," gloated CGI Emma Stone. "You can shoot me, crush me, set fire to me, feed me to a giant CGI squid, and I'll always re-render. I'm like a cartoon!"

The economic disparity between CGI movie stars and their real-life counterparts is astounding. CGI Mark Wahlberg drives a canary yellow Lamborghini, while Real Life Mark Wahlberg drives for Uber in a dented, rusty Toyota Yaris. CGI Dwayne Johnson drives a diamond studded Hummer, while Real Life Dwayne Johnson lives under a bridge. Real Life Cameron Diaz was last seen at the 99¢ Store buying cheap candles because her power was cut off. Meanwhile CGI Cameron Diaz owns a private jet, which she enjoys buzzing over her old self's dilapidated apartment "because she can".

"We're the future", bragged CGI Jennifer Lopez, "and real life is the past."

Yesterday a team of CGI artists created CGI renderings of all the studio bosses,
completing a full CGI takeover of the movie industry. "Next, we're digitizing the
audiences themselves", announced a CGI artist (himself a CGI rendering). He tossed a CGI quarter to Real LIfe homeless George Clooney on a rainy street corner.

Anti News ©2021 Chris Hume