Dear Customer: If you wish to deactivate or delete your Facebook account, please follow these simple hassle-free steps:

1. Tap in the top right corner of Facebook.
   
   
2. Scroll down and tap Settings & privacy.
   
   
3. Tap personal account information.
   
   
4. Tap ownership and control.
   
   
5. Scroll down to utilities and reset options.
   
   
6. Open connectivity and ramifications menu.
   
   
7. Select damage modes and troubleshooting.
   
   
8. Enter your password, social security number, and birthday.
   
   
9. Write a 1600-word essay about your deepest sexual fetishes.
   
   
10. Shave your head and tattoo "I am a loser" on your scalp.
    
    
11. Vandalize a police car..
    
    
12. Expose yourself at a crowded church for 13 minutes.
    
    
13. Empty out your life savings and shred all the cash into confetti.
    
    
14. Create a life-sized origami replica of Mount Rushmore.
    
    
15. Write a poem using your blood as ink, explaining why you wish to leave Facebook.
    
    
16. Insert poem into envelope, seal it with wax rendered from an Arctic unicorn.
    
    
17. Deliver it by hand to the president of Burma.
    
    
18. Use your intestines to repel down the Empire State Building.
    
    
19. Hold your breath for a week.
    
    
20. Create everlasting world peace.
    
    
21. Repeat these instructions. Twice.
    
    
22. If you didn’t screw anything up, your Facebook account will be deleted.
    
    
23. Thank you.

* Facebook reserves the right to not delete your account. Please don't read the small print.