They were nowhere. Now they're everywhere. They are the strangely hypnotic black and white blotchy squares that govern your every move, every breath, every purchase, every heartbeat, and every orgasm - and they're here to stay. Say hello to QR code, as it colonizes your brain.

The harmless-looking pixely creatures glower at us from cell phones, menus, coupons, posters, bumper stickers, billboards, boarding passes, movie tickets, parking tickets, and forehead tattoos. Are they our friends? Our enemies? Or our frenemies?

"QR is here to make your life more convenient, efficient and transparent," explained Quentin Rawshark, QR-CEO, "and they're not laying eggs in your soul. We promise."

So what is QR code, the all-seeing eye that has saturated our world? "It's a method for herding humanity into a slaughter-stall," said astro-biologist Jordan Whipton. "QR bugs left their home planet of QuackRizza eons ago, drifted patiently through space, and swarmed into our atmosphere in 2016."

The quandary quickly became a quagmire as quadrillions of QR's quietly burrowed into the soft heads of the unquestioning, obsequious humanoids. "I get the queasy feeling that they'll never quit," sais anti-QR activist Jenna Blorfman. Her loyalty was questioned and her query was quashed.

And so, the quintessentially queer QR bugs have squeezed their way into your skull. Faster than you can squint. They tell you what to think, what to eat, what to like, what to hate, when to poo, when to pee, when to breed, when to die, and how many Taylor Swift concert tickets you should buy.

"I stared at one for too long," said Betsy Quigley, as she pixelated into thin air.