Hoarders. They never throw anything away. Their houses become catacombs cluttered with unneeded possessions. Their worlds are reduced to narrow passages, long looping labyrinths crammed with lost treasures and fetid trash.

We mock them. We pity them. We don’t want to be them. But maybe we’re all hoarders now, and we don’t even know it.

You may not be a material hoarder.  But you’re probably a digital hoarder. You’re the person with 35,000 unread emails. You’re the web-captain with 1,500 YouTube cat videos. You’re the Google archivist with 3 terabytes of blurry vacation photos stored in the cloud somewhere.

If you’re a digital hoarder, you’re far from alone.  “Nearly 80% of humanity hoards their digital trash,” explained Hoardologist Clarence Gumpton, “and just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

Vast underground server-farms have become sprawling digital dumpsters. And if we don’t delete our overflowing online garbage heaps, we’ll soon drown in a virtual tsunami of jpgs, mp3’s and Quicktimes.

Is digital hoarding a form of mental illness? “Not if everyone does it,” said digital hoarder Howard Petabyte.

And so, hoarders love to hoard their hoards. Whether it’s a hallway full of moldering burger wrappers, an attic full of unwashed socks, a garage stuffed with empty milk jugs, or a hard drive bursting with porn. It’s yours. And you’re hoarding it.

And then Molly Sprool of Calabasas, California uploaded just one more selfie. And the world crashed.

  Anti News ¬©2024 Chris Hume¬†